Yesterday was one of the worst days ever in my life!
The day started off fine except for the fact that I was expected to attend Aunt Samantha’s family get-together/picnic. I don’t mind small family functions, but I knew she’d invited several of the ’New Age’ customers that frequent her bookstore, and frankly I feel a little uncomfortable around a bunch of strangers. Especially strangers who have a totally different view of life. But, I agreed to go because I knew Aunt Samantha would start lecturing me about how I needed to get out more and socialize with people my age.
I was dressed and ready to go when at the last minute I decided to wear the little gargoyle earrings she’d given to me last Halloween – (Her ‘All Hallows Eve’). I’ve never worn them because they really aren’t something I’d choose for myself, but a picnic with a group of ‘New Age’ people would be the perfect place to wear them and Aunt Samantha would be pleased.
I found them where I left them, still in the little gift box on top of the dresser in my parent’s room. Except for the furniture and the jewelry box, the room is totally empty of all personal effects. Aunt Samantha cleared everything out six months after my parents died. My mother’s jewelry box was the only thing left and that’s because I couldn’t part with that part of her. I still can’t bring myself to go through its contents, but I take a bit of comfort knowing it’s there. It’s strange how we attach emotion to personal effects.
Everything would have been just fine if I hadn’t dropped one of the gargoyle earrings while trying to put it on. When I moved to look for it, my foot kicked it underneath the dresser. Reaching blindly under the dresser to find it, I didn’t come up with anything, so I had to get a flashlight.
Thinking back on it later, it was almost like my mother wanted me to look under the dresser. It gives me chills just thinking like that.
Anyway, the flashlight caught a glint of white way to the back of the dresser by the wall. Since the dresser is a massive oak piece with triple mirrors it was way too heavy to push so I had to use a yardstick to fish the item out.
It was my mother’s favorite hair comb. Antique gold embedded with pearls, it was a gift from my father on their wedding day. He had purchased it for her during one of his business trips to Japan and she wore it only once every year – on their wedding anniversary. She’d put her long black hair up into a chignon, slip the comb into it and say the same thing each time, “I feel like a bride again!”
I don’t know how it got underneath the dresser. Maybe she’d accidentally knocked it off and kicked it just like I had kicked my gargoyle but she hadn’t noticed. However it had happened, finding it totally unexpected like that tore out my heart and I just crumpled on the floor in a sobbing mess.
That was the first time I really let loose and cried from the heart since my parents died. I guess I’ve always been afraid that if I started crying I’d never stop.
I spent most of the day curled up on the sofa in my pajamas, wrapped up in a quilt watching old black and white ‘tear jerker’ movies, crying and feeling sorry for myself. Jynx laid at my feet the entire time and kept casting wary glances at me. I’m sure I looked a scarey mess to him with my puffy eyes and stuffy, red nose. But he stayed anyway. That’s true love for you.
By the time Aunt Samantha called to find out what was keeping me, I sounded totally stopped up so I think she believed me when I said I had a sinus headache from my allergies because she didn’t push me to come.
The good part is that I woke up this morning feeling lighter in heart than I have since my parents died. In fact, I woke up feeling great! Maybe it is true that crying is good for the soul.
For now, the comb will stay safely tucked away in the jewelry box but I still need to find that pesky gargoyle for the next picnic event. I’ll look for that another time.
My Mother
‘Katherine’
1/12/82
Jewels
